Men Are From Mars; Women Are From Venus

May 12, 2020

Pain changes a person; it makes them trust less, overthink more, and shut people out. Women, hurt by men over the years, have asked this question repeatedly: ‘What does it take to make a relationship with a man actually work?’

Boy/girl relationships are always a favorite topic for the members of The Choice Club. The girls want to know how they can tell when a boy is serious about their relationship, how to keep their boyfriends away from other girls, and how to make their boyfriends happy.

We generally empathize with the girls, knowing well, however, that relationships at that age can be damaging, emotionally and otherwise, and can prevent the girls from focusing on their studies and their future. As is typical at their age, most of the girls would rather believe that the relationships they are in will last a lifetime, like some sort of fairytale romance, than hear about taking caution or any negative aspects.

On Saturday the 9th of May, we woke up to a sad story. A 33-year-old man working as an aero plane engineer had been stabbed in the chest by his 29-year-old girlfriend. The girl was arrested for murder. A kitchen knife was recovered and motive for the murder centered around a disagreement the couple was engaged in among themselves. When the young woman was interrogated, she claimed she had no idea what transpired, only that her boyfriend has been beating her. On the day at issue, she claims she threw a cup at him while they were fighting but had no clue what happened afterwards. She alleged not to remember picking up the knife but conceded that she stabbed him. When the relationship was going well, neither of them would have imagined that death would occur due to misunderstandings and arguments. They were most likely so in love that murder was the last thing on their minds. This is the same mentality the girls at the Choice Club possess; they believe in a ‘perfect’ relationship and would do anything to see their relationships work. Understanding how men are geared and how they reason is something we decided would help the girls more realistically reach their goals for fulfillment in a relationship.

Men and women are different, vastly different. When men and women accept their differences, love has an opportunity to blossom. Love is magical, and it can be sustained if each partner remembers those differences. When a woman loves a man, she feels responsible to assist him to grow towards maturity. Men are goal oriented while women are relationship oriented. Women talk about problems to get close to a man, but not to necessarily discover a solution. Sometimes it is better for a man to listen without offering solutions. Men feel much better solving problems while women feel better talking about their problems and issues.

The death discussed most likely occurred because the couple were not agreeing; the young woman obviously saw things in a different light than her boyfriend and vice versa. If issues in a relationship are left unattended for a long time, emotions often get bottled up, and one day, one in the couple could snap, as here, and an injury or murder occur.

On another note, we just celebrated Mother’s Day. The emotions out pouring for the mothers was overwhelming. Mothers are cherished the world over; according to many, they are the givers of life. The students tell us they treasure their mothers because their mothers will go to any length to make sure their families are provided for and yet they also say they want to make sure that they do not get into abusive relationships like their parents. They seem to have a certain degree of clarity as to what a healthy relationship should look like but wonder if healthy relationships exist. Sadly, most of the time the answer is ‘no.’ Why did the girl who just killed her boyfriend fail to walk away when she realized the relationship was not working? Why did she stay until her emotions were pushed to the point of committing murder?  These are the questions being asked in the minds of many members of the community surrounding this tragedy.

When men and women accept their differences, they will learn to get along better. Men and women are definitely from different planets, and they are meant to be different. We sadly forget this which causes unnecessary conflict and friction. Respecting and accepting these differences will dramatically reduce confusion when dealing with the opposite sex. We need to take the time to understand and respect one another. Love ‘is’ magical, and it can last when we learn about and respect our different ways and contributions.

When schools resume, we will be discussing the messages taught through “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.” We hope this information will help the girls better understand relationships, so they will realize, internalize, and apply the distinct differences the book points out. Boy/girl relationships are happening all over, it is, therefore, good for each gender to know and understand what to expect and how to adapt.

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