Social Problems Facing Teenagers
July 7, 2021
In our lesson on social problems, dating and relationships, it was clear and sad to learn that many girls have gone through some sort of sexual abuse either in their relationships or in their homes. Sexual assault is a crime that should be reported, and the offenders forced to face the law. Unfortunately, many of these cases go unreported due to the stigma associated with the crime and lack of support from the police when the crime is reported. In Kenya, when one reports a sexual assault, the police, instead of assisting the victim, ask questions that make the victim feel like they are going through the ordeal all over again. They are very insensitive to the victim’s plight, even insinuating that the victim is to blame, or that they are not sure what they are talking about. There is need for all police stations to have a desk that attends to victims of assault, with trained attendants who will assist the victims without making them feel violated all over again. Here in Kenya, we have a crime desk in the Coast province where the prevalence of rape and abuse of women is very high.
Many women have a hard time reporting rape or sexual assault because they are embarrassed; in denial of what happened, they just want to forget what happened, or think they caused it. It’s very important to talk about all these feelings and everything experienced with a professional counselor. It can be extraordinarily difficult for a female to admit she was raped or sexually assaulted. There is a stigma attached. It can make the female feel dirty and weak. The victim may also be afraid of how others will react. Questions come to mind like: ‘Will they judge me? Or, look at me differently?’ It seems easier to downplay what happened or keep it a secret. But when a female stays silent, she denies herself help and reinforces her victimhood.
We had a number of girls who came up to have a one-on-one session with us after the lesson. Many of these girls said they had faced one form of sexual assault or another. The majority had been molested when they were young; they never reported to their parents, but the incidences haunt them to date. Some are still going through the assault, and they need help to find the courage to report their perpetrators. Rape is a horrible thing that leaves the victim wounded emotionally and physically. Those that do not get help may not be able to cope in life; they face many challenges and often lash out at anyone who tries to befriend them, especially those of the opposite sex.
Regardless of age or gender, the impact of sexual violence goes far beyond any physical injuries. The trauma of being raped or sexually assaulted can be shattering, leaving one feeling scared, ashamed, and alone or plagued by nightmares, flashbacks, and other horrible memories. The world doesn’t feel like a safe place anymore. Trust becomes an issue. It can get to the point where the victim does not even trust themselves. The victim may question her judgment, self-worth, and even her sanity. The victim may blame herself for what happened or believe they are “dirty” or “damaged goods.” Relationships feel dangerous, intimacy impossible. And on top of that, like many rape survivors, victims often struggle with anxiety and depression.
We taught the girls the importance of reporting all forms of assault. By doing so, the girls protect others from being raped and help the police put the perpetrators in jail. Emphasis was put on the need to seek support from family and friends.
On relationships, we taught the girls to always be in control of what happens. No one should force them to get involved in a sexual relationship if they are not ready for it. If sex is used as a tool to threaten them, then they need to know that they are in the wrong relationship and put an immediate end to it. A healthy relationship is important for all involved and one’s body should not be used as a bargaining chip. Many girls find themselves in abusive relationships because they do not want to be ‘dumped.’ Knowing one’s worth and respecting their bodies will help these young girls stay out of trouble. Teenage pregnancies are still a major threat in the schools.
We concluded by saying that the girl’s NO should be taken as a NO and not a MAYBE. Being firm in their resolve will also send a clear message to the opposite sex that they are not ready for a sexual relationship, and that decision must be respected.
Rapists are always closer than we think.