Raising A Confident Teenager

November 30, 2021

Adolescence is a time filled with self-doubt, insecurity and setbacks that leave the teen feeling completely lost and in need of constant assurance. Many teenagers are struggling to fit in, most feel like they are complete failures when they try a skill and fail. Failing in a certain subject, for example, can lead a teen to believe they are not smart. Those who fail in a particular sport may also be led to believe that they will never be good in any sports. There needs be a healthy balance between self-acceptance and self-improvement. It is possible to accept flaws while also striving to become better.

Helping these teenagers identify their strengths as well as their weaknesses helps them look at life differently. They all have significant potential, and need to believe in themselves, and be willing to be better people. They need to set goals for themselves that are attainable and within their control. It is important that the students map out a plan on how they are going to achieve the goals set. Parents need to know ‘how’ to praise their children.’ Many of the students we mentor tell us they only get praise from their parents when they have done well at school or performed a chore to perfection. The students, therefore, dread facing their parents when something has not gone according to plan. Praising a child goes a long way in boosting their self-esteem and calming doubts they may have.

Teachers, also, need to take more interest in their students. Teachers are often able to pick up when something is amiss with a student quicker than a parent. Students spend more time at school, and growth, or its opposite, is therefore, attained more while at school. The teachers need to praise ‘effort’ more than the outcome. When a student performs well, for example, it is the effort put into the exam that needs to be praised. Showing a student that their effort has borne fruit will keep them motivated to keep doing better. The same needs to happen at home. The effort put into anything the teenager does, needs to be appreciated and rewarded, regardless of the actual outcome.

We notice that teenagers who get the right support both at home and in school, are better able to stand up for themselves, and are very confident. These students are also better able to ask for help when they do not understand schoolwork, so they do not fall behind. An assertive teenager is less likely to be treated badly by the other students, as they are known to stand up for themselves. These students need to understand, however, that being assertive does not mean being rude or disrespectful. Conflict with their fellow students cannot be resolved by yelling or using aggressive behavior.

Students need to be encouraged to try new activities, discover hidden talents, and to push themselves as hard as possible. Teenagers are afraid of failure and do not want to embarrass themselves.  Challenging themselves will give them the confidence they need to overcome the challenges in life.

We asked the girls in the Choice Club how they have benefitted from the program. Many said it has helped them discover themselves and boost their confidence. In the club, we remind the girls they are all equal and that each one of them is special in their own way. We give them the opportunity to express themselves and question anything that they do not agree with. They feel valued as their opinions are appreciated which helps them feel better about themselves. We encourage positive self-talk; we teach the girls how to set goals and then to take the steps necessary to accomplish them. Not everything will be done to perfection, so we encourage effort as well as accomplishments.

Give room for questions, allow debates and difference in opinion.

Reward efforts and accomplishments, not PERFECTION.