Teenage Trauma

February 9, 2022

Since the beginning of January, we have been addressing an issue with a young teenage girl who is deeply traumatized. She joined Form 1 in a girls-only boarding school three years ago, but she had to revert to being a day scholar. The girl’s father told us that his daughter was very excited to join boarding school, and he was equally happy for her to do so. She had worked very hard while at Primary school and passed her exams well which enabled her to join the boarding school of her choice. The days that followed were busy with school shopping as well as covering and labelling her books. Then it was time, and she joined the Secondary school.

The first term of school was nice and enjoyable for the girl. She met other girls her age from different parts of the country and from different communities. She enjoyed listening to stories that her roommates shared about their homes and life in Secondary school. She was happy; she was sure boarding school was the best option for her, and she looked forward to meeting her new subject teachers and learning new things. She was ready to excel in all her subjects, and as a result, was a promising student.

In the second term of school something went wrong. She went home for the school holidays looking sad and would not talk much after she returned to school. The glow and excitement she previously had was gone, and in its place was a sullen, sad girl. The mother tried very hard to talk to her, trying to understand what was wrong. The father comforted the mother telling her that was typical teenage behavior. But as time went by, things only got worse. The girl would lock herself in the room and keep to herself; the slightest provocation from her siblings made her yell and become confrontational. The parents were now sure that their daughter needed help. After seeing a doctor, they were told there was nothing medically wrong with her, but she needed to discontinue with the boarding school and revert to being a day scholar. It seems there is something she revealed to the doctor that she had not told her parents. The only thing the doctor said to the parents was she was not ready to go back to boarding school. Then the fits begun, every time she was upset, she would fall and become unconscious. This was bringing a lot of stress to the parents. The dad said he was always apprehensive waiting for a call from school asking that he pick his daughter up. Those calls were frequent.

By the time the parents called us to try and see what the problem was, they had spent a lot of money taking their daughter to hospitals which failed to provide a solution. The fits meanwhile continued; everyone in the house and at school were cautioned not to annoy her.  When she got annoyed, she would inevitably suffer a fit.

When counselling and mentoring our girls, it takes a lot of love and patience to win the girls over. Yes, teenage hood has its own challenges; getting the girls to open up and share their feelings is very hard, as they do not trust easily. The first thing we do in this instance, is to gently approach the girl and become her friend. In this instant, we assured the girl that we wanted her to get help, so she could carry on with her studies which she loves so much.

It has been a journey. This girl lives three hours from where we are but when called upon, we abandon everything to go attend to her. She slowly opened up and let us know what happened to her. She went through a very traumatizing incident with some of the girls in the upper classes that left her scared. She felt like it was her fault, so she was not willing to talk about it. She felt embarrassed, too. Much as she wanted to share what she was going through with her parents and older sister, it was too much for her to narrate. We have walked the journey with her; we continue to mentor and offer her counselling. The first step was for her to learn that she did nothing wrong, and she needed to stop beating herself up for the mistakes of others.

The fits have reduced. She is happier now and performing extremely well at school. She may never be a boarding student again, which was her dream, but the acceptance and the will to deal with the struggles she carries every day are bearing fruit.

Parents go through a difficult time when they face such challenges. It is expensive to pay for counselling services, and the school tuition and other school supplies add to the burden. It would be easier for the parents to wish the trouble away, ignore whatever is happening, and hide the child from the community. But such responses solve nothing.  

Thanks to the Choice Club, we are able to offer free guidance and counselling and when we encounter challenges that are beyond us, we bring in more support from experienced counsellors who can help the girls.

Exams are almost here; in another three weeks the final exams will start in all the schools. We are bound to experience incidences of students dealing with panic attacks, anxiety and stress. We try to prepare the teenagers as much as possible, so they will sit their exams in the right frame of mind.

A few tips for teachers and parents:

• The way you help your teenager handle a distressing or frightening event will influence their behavior in future crises.
• Your teenager will experience strong and sometimes difficult emotions while they recover, such as moodiness and sensitivity.
• Seek professional help if your teenager is persistently depressed or anxious, or if they seem to be struggling to cope in any way.